I Thought I Was Self-Aware—Until I Realized This Was Running My Life

Why Awareness Alone Won’t Change Your Life—And the Simple Shift That Worked Instantly

Yesterday on the ski mountain, I had a huge revelation. One that stopped me mid-reaction, snapped my ass out of an old pattern, and saved what could have been an unnecessary fight with my husband.

Here’s what happened.

Jeremy wanted me to try skiing near the trees because visibility on the mountain wasn’t great. Being close to the trees helps you see the mountain better, so it made sense. I started into a tree path but immediately felt nervous. Ever since my ski accident, I’ve been hypervigilant—sometimes my fear is unnecessary, but it still makes sense given my experience.

I froze.

Sensing my hesitation, Jeremy took off his snowboard and walked towards me pointing the way out. The exit was a very simple trail—far from any danger—but in that moment, my fear was louder than logic. I inched forward slowly and then when I could see that the path was clear, I took the trail out without waiting for him to get back to his snowboard.

By the time I reached the bottom of the mountain, I saw a text from him: he had lost his board. And that’s when my old reaction pattern kicked in.

But here’s what everyone misses: Traditional talk therapy often focuses on understanding our patterns, but it doesn't always equip us to recognize and change them in the heat of the moment. Without precise tools, we can intellectually grasp our behaviors yet still feel powerless to shift them. This is where the concept of Conscious Separation comes in—a practice that allows for immediate recognition and intentional choice, effectively rewiring our neural pathways for lasting change.

Dismantling the 'Shoulds' to Reclaim Your True Self

This experience is a perfect example of my D.R.E.A.M. Process in action. Specifically, it falls under D - Dismantle the ‘Shoulds’ so that we can R - Reclaim Our True Self.

For our new subscribers, let me provide some context. The D.R.E.A.M. Process is a framework I developed to help individuals:

• Dismantle the 'shoulds' that society imposes.

• Reclaim your soul self.

• Embrace your new identity and narratives.

• Activate aligned actions.

• Maintain momentum by becoming a Creator.

We all have behaviors we’ve absorbed over time—ways of reacting and interpreting the world that we mistake for our personality. But they’re not actually who we are; they’re strategies we developed to survive.

For me, one of my biggest acquired traits is the need to always advocate for myself. I grew up as the defender—the one who had to stand up for my mom, manage conflicts, and fight to be heard. Over time, that morphed into a constant subconscious belief: I need to stand up for myself at every turn.

But in this case? There was literally nothing to fight for. No one was against me. No injustice had been done. Yet, my default wiring was turning this into a battle that didn’t exist.

So, I ran this process in my head, and it changed everything.

The 5-Step Process for Conscious Separation

When we react automatically, we don’t leave space between stimulus and response. We’re just running old programming. The key is to create conscious separation—to notice the pattern instead of becoming the pattern.

Here’s how it works:

1. Recognize the Pattern

   • Ask yourself: What am I feeling right now? What am I making this mean?

   • Example: I realized I was framing this as, "I got stuck on a trail because Jeremy chose it, Jeremy made a mistake, and now I have to defend myself." But… defend myself against what? There was no actual threat, just my old habit playing out.

2. Create Space

   • Action: Pause. Let yourself feel the emotion without acting on it.

   • Example: I didn’t send the passive-aggressive text, didn’t roll my eyes when he reappeared, didn’t launch into a lecture about being more responsible. I also didn’t push away the feeling. Instead, I leaned into the familiar feeling that perhaps his pain and discomfort was my fault. Instead, I felt it and remained curious.

3. See the Acquired Pattern for What It Is

   • Ask yourself: Is this reaction actually who I am? Or is it an old survival strategy?

   • Example: I saw it clearly. This was my old defender mode kicking in, but it didn’t belong here.

4. Actively Affirm a New Way of Being

   • Tell yourself: I don’t have to advocate for myself at every turn. I am safe. I am supported. I can let this go. Affirming the new identity and belief is what makes this technique so effective.

   • Example: As soon as I did that, the tension left my body. The feelings dissolved. I let it go. This step is crucial to creating new neural pathways and new behaviors.

5. Step Into the Shift

   • Action: Engage with the present moment from this new perspective.

   • Example: Jeremy showed up a few minutes later (snowboard found a few feet away, by the way), and instead of launching into frustration, I smiled. We had the best day together. No argument. No drama. No unnecessary energy drain.

Why This Process Works

Unlike traditional methods that often focus on analyzing past experiences, this approach emphasizes real-time awareness and intervention. By creating conscious separation, we can rewire our neural pathways, leading to lasting behavioral change.

Your Turn: Start Rewriting Your Patterns

This is just one part of the D.R.E.A.M. Process, and we’ll be walking through more in a series of posts I’m curating.

If you would like to take the Conscious Separation Process one step deeper, I’ve put together a simple PDF with journaling prompts to help you:

• Identify your acquired personality traits vs. your true self.

• Recognize where old patterns are still running your life.

• Use this process to create conscious separation and choose a new way of being.

Click to download it to start shifting your patterns today.

And tell me in the comments—What pattern are you ready to release?

Let’s talk.

P.S. If you’ve been circling the same thoughts about what’s next, waiting for the right time to make a change—this is your sign to stop waiting and start moving.

On February 20th at 4pm PST, we kick off the Radical Living Masterclass, where I’ll show you how to start designing a life that actually feels like yours—without burning everything down to get there.

🔥 Step 1: Grab your spot for the event: radicallivingevent.com
🔥 If you already have a copy of my new book, “Your Radical Living Challenge: 7 Questions for Leading a Meaningful Life,” simply reply to this email with your order number and we will enroll you.

Taking action on your REINVENTION starts NOW. Let’s go!!!