What if these 4 simple strategies could bring harmony back into your relationships?
In my experience, blame becomes the go-to behavior when a person you care about pisses you off. That is why I loved this interview with Dr. Mary Giffara, an internationally renowned therapist, author, and speaker. She introduced key strategies from her book, Two by Two on the Arc: Four Strategies for Lasting Love that illuminate how taking responsibility for your personal growth, emotional regulation, and intentional communication can transform a relationship that is good enough into a thriving partnership.
Here’s what you need to know…
It’s your job to recognize and navigate emotional triggers.
Allow people to change and grow, too.
Being your highest self invites you to react based on Logic, Emotion, and Sensations (stuff you feel in your body?)
What You Need to Know:
1. Understanding Emotional Triggers (Timestamp: 12:45)
Explanation: Emotional triggers are often rooted in past experiences, not present relationships. Recognizing when reactions stem from unresolved feelings enables individuals to respond with intention rather than emotion. This practice fosters healthier interactions and reduces repetitive conflicts.
"When someone does something, and it triggers something in me that predates them—maybe my mother, my last partner, or an earlier experience, I need to recognize that and step out of blame."
Impact: By addressing the root cause of emotional triggers, you can take responsibility for your reactions and avoid misplacing blame, paving the way for deeper connection with people you care about.
2. Leave Space for Love and Growth. Are you “over-fused” with your person?” (Timestamp: 24:10)
Explanation: Successful relationships depend on creating space for individuality. A healthy dynamic allows each partner to grow independently while maintaining a shared bond. Over-fusion—when one partner subsumes the other’s emotions or thoughts—stifles this balance.
"Create space for you to be you, space for me to be me, and space for us to be us."
Impact: This approach respects autonomy and mutual growth, fostering an environment where both partners can thrive emotionally and intellectually.
3. Engage All Three Levels of Communication (Timestamp: 36:20)
Explanation: Dr. Giffara emphasizes the importance of operating on all three levels of communication: logical reasoning, emotional expression, and physical sensations. Neglecting any of these dimensions creates imbalances in how partners relate and respond to one another.
"Leave space to meet reason, emotion, and sensation. Don’t mix them up."
Impact: Integrating these communication elements ensures holistic connection and prevents misunderstandings rooted in incomplete interactions.
Bottom Line — Love alone is not enough to sustain a relationship.
The truth is that while it’s easy to place blame on others, when you focus on self-awareness, mutual growth, and comprehensive communication, you can transform how you engage with your partners and themselves.
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